In all likelihood, Taud was the greatest waiter ever known to man. An iced tea glass was never left unfilled at one of Taud's tables. I remember one time in particular when I felt my steak was slightly undercooked, Taud came to my table showed me that it was actually me who was undercooked and that the steak was cooked to perfection.
Taud and I became fast friends. Taud is the kind of friend that could easily sleep with my girlfriend if he wanted to, but I know he never would. Mostly this is because my girlfriend is a pear shaped hag who Taud would never consider touching with his perfect hands.
Superficially, Taud is quite a sight to behold. He is about six feet tall but he is somehow always the tallest person in the room. He has never been in a gym in his life but I know for a fact he can bench press 750lbs. Taud's eyes are a color that has yet to be defined and I can say with a 93% record of heterosexuality, that one look from him will melt your soul like a grilled cheese sandwich.
For those of you who are too unlucky to have ever met Taud, I have started this website as a way to relay some of the stories that make Taud the man I feel blessed to know and love. Today's story is about the day Taud and I celebrated his new job.
Shortly after Taud left the Texas Roadhouse, he landed a job as a used car salesman. Taud quickly became the lot's top salesman. He was so good that the dealership could not supply enough cars to keep up with Taud's sales pace. In fact, only two weeks into Taud's new job, the only car left on the lot was a yellow English taxi cab from the early 1970s. To celebrate Taud's new found success, he and I decided to go camping in the woods. We didn't need to bring any supplies because Taud was trained in outdoor survival by Bear Grylls' step-uncle.
After setting up our tent using a no. 2 pencil and a broken canoe, we heard a great roar coming from the woods. Soon I saw a sight I will never forget. A 12 foot bear appeared from behind a tree, and he was pissed off. Knowing I was scared, Taud turned to me and said, "Don't worry friend, go roast some marshmallows and I will take care of the bear."
Trusting Taud, I headed back to the tent and Taud began walking towards the bear. I would like to say that Taud fought the bear and defeated the beast with his superior strength. In fact though, Taud never laid a hand on the grizzly. I couldn't make out exactly what was happening between the two, but when Taud returned he told me that the bear would not bother us ever again... and that he had sold the English taxi cab for $35,000.
