Thank You Taud

The year was 1975 and I was addicted to pornography. I had a stack of Playboys the size of a small child and I would read them constantly whilst pounding it with great tenacity. Pornography was ruining my life. I spent many weekends in a porno rehab therapy group, but nothing worked. As soon as I would get home, it was back to the magazines and hours of ferocious spanking.

One night, after a particularly draining whack session, I decided to take a walk. While meandering down the street, I came upon the most handsome man I had ever seen. Seeing that I was troubled, the man said to me, "Son, what is it that makes you look so sad?" I began explaining to him my porn infirmity but he quickly stopped me. William, he said, "You cannot run from pornography. It is too powerful. Instead, my friend, you must harness the smut and find a way to use it to your advantage."

I glanced up and saw a beacon of light shine down upon me and when I looked back at Taud he was gone. It was then that the idea of computers shot into my mind. If I could create a way for everyone to enjoy visual intercourse as much as I do, I could make a fortune and enhance my own spanking in the process. From that day forward, I spent all day writing computer software and excitedly pulling on my pud. I was a man on a mission. Thirty-four years later, I am the richest man in America and still yanking my weiner three times a day. Thank you Taud Dancing!!

-Bill Gates